Crossroads By Carolyn

Crossroads by Carolyn #77

    At a show about a year ago, I was sitting outside talking with a group of people.  The conversation turned towards activism and a protest that had happened earlier in the week.  One girl asked me if I went to the protest (against Columbus Day, I think) and I told her the truth- that I couldn’t make it because I had a chemistry test.  She scoffed and proceeded to tell me that I had no right to even participate in a discussion about activism, that because I don’t make it to all the protests I contribute nothing to ‘the struggle.’

Crossroads by Carolyn #76

    It is all coming together.  Or is it all growing apart at the seams? More and more I find myself looking at my life from a distance and watching it speed up to the present moment.  I ask with curiosity, feeling slightly outside of my skin, “How did this all happen? How did I arrive here? When did this come to pass?”  I ask with absolutely no trace of regret, but I wonder, because it seems things are changing in unfamiliar ways. 

Crossroads by Carolyn #75

    I read once that a free mind has no reason to scream.  I had a brief period of what felt like inner peace; I was in touch with nature, my body, with life.  Some kids asked me to scream on their record and I wasn’t sure I could. The screams just weren’t inside me anymore.  And it felt great, healthy, and clean.  But what the fuck?

Crossroads by Carolyn #74

    I see the brightness of the distant mountain peaks and a quiet peace stirs inside.  Staring at the sky and breathing in the cool mountain air, I bask in the resultant calm.  And in the true fashion of someone with an overactive mind, I begin asking myself why I feel this way, why I have this intense affinity for nature.  Of course there are the aesthetic and survival reasons, but for me, there is something that underlies it all.  I want to find something real.

Crossroads by Carolyn #73

     Scandinavia evokes something deep inside me. Whenever I go there, I feel like I’m coming home. It’s like I get to go back in time a little bit and connect with what once was and how I sometimes wish things still were. 

Crossroads by Carolyn #72

    The class war is in my backyard in the form of a monolith being erected a couple hundred feet from my backdoor.  I watched day after day as the concrete got poured and the grass laid down, gritted my teeth as the hammers and earthmovers polluted the air with noise and dust.

Crossroads by Carolyn #71

(Note:     I had a hard time deciding whether or not to submit this, in fear of repetition and of straying from topics I intended to write about. However, since Sera's suicide, I've learned of others following that path and even had someone confide to me that he was thinking of killing himself So, here is my response; my apologies if it unearths more pain.)

Crossroads by Carolyn #70

"But why should I morn at the ultimate fate of my people? Tribe follows tribe and nation follows nation, like the waves of the sea. It is the order of nature, and regret is useless. Your time of decay may be distant, but it will surely come." —Chief Seattle

Crossroads by Carolyn #82

    As a girl, I always fought the image of the “ideal” woman.  The ideal woman was thin, pretty, and tricked into thinking that life was all about meeting a man, getting married and raising kids in the suburbs.  She liked shopping and holding men’s hands.  I absolutely refused to be her.

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